Common Misconceptions about Healing
Since 1993, professional writer Dee Miller
(writerdee@cox.net),
author of "The
Truth About Malarkey" and "How
Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct",
has been specializing in advocacy for survivors of clergy sexual
abuse. She draws on decades of experience in
psychiatric, mental health, and community health nursing, as well
as more than a half century of life experience as a member of
clergy households. Check out her web
site Confronting
Collusion in Churches which is a source of empowerment and
education for survivors, church leaders, and survivor advocates
struggling with clergy sexual abuse, domestic violence, and
incest.
Before leaving psychiatric nursing to devote more time to
advocacy work, I wrote some hand-outs for my patients. No matter
what the trauma, no matter what the diagnosis, no matter if the
patient was suffering from a chronic or an acute condition, I found
that many profited from one that helped clarify some of the common
myths about healing. Hopefully, these myths can help you, as well:
MYTH #1: Emotional healing is
a process that's needed only occasionally, when one has been deeply
hurt. NO! Healing is a constant on-going part of daily living. For
everyone! It is required whenever we face a change or crisis. Much
of it takes place without us being consciously aware that it is
going on. Survivors often feel "different" or permanently
"damaged" when, in reality, they are waging an internal
war because of cognitive distortions that constitute unwelcome
changes in the way things are perceived. Healing requires the
adjustment to new understandings, new ideas, new skills, new
behaviors, and a new self-concept that, in time, has the potential
to produce a healthier person than ever before.
MYTH #2: There is a magic
formula that I have to find if I'm going to recover. Sorry, there
are no magic formulas! When I worked with children, I frequently
sang a little song to them: "Look all the world over. There's
no one like me." It's true for adults, just as much as
children. In fact, life's circumstances can make adult processes
even more complex. The way you heal and how fast you do it can
depend on your personality, past experiences with trauma, how you
perceive your present situation, your support system, and many other
factors. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to heal. There is
no normal timetable, no measuring stick. You are not in competition
with anyone else.
MYTH #3: Professionals are
the most important people on the healthcare team. NO! You are!
Professionals have a lot of knowledge, but they are not God. They
alone cannot bring healing, no matter how much they try. Their work,
and yours, can be undermined by circumstances beyond their control.
All of us have our limitations. The most important thing a
professional can do for you is to provide a listening ear and an
accepting, empathetic spirit.
MYTH #4: Healing is an event
with a definite beginning and ending. Unfortunately, problems tend
to recycle periodically, requiring one to face new issues related to
the trauma, years after saying: "I think I'm over that."
This can be scary, especially if one is not warned of the
possibility. The stages of grieving may have to be repeated when
reminders or other traumatic events trigger old garbage. This is not
a sign of weakness. It's a sign of normality. Our losses often
involve sub-losses that may not be recognized until years after the
initial trauma.
MYTH #5: Time heals all
things. No, again! Ignoring pneumonia usually brings a slow, painful
death. So does ignoring emotional or spiritual pain. While healing
is an individual process, finding well-informed professionals,
friends and other survivors who are able to support you can go a
long ways. So can reading material. You DO need time, but time alone
isn't the answer. Healing involves a lot of grieving over changes
and losses. And grieving is very hard work. It's exhausting. So set
realistic goals. Take vacations away from the active process, from
time to time. Be kind to yourself. Expect things to get better
slowly as you are able to take time for the pain.
 The writer is the
author of "How
Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct".
Copyright © 2000 Dee Ann Miller. All
rights reserved. |
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Exploitation
