When Trust Is Betrayed
Understanding Sexual Abuse by Clergy
by James Poling
This article has been reproduced from Interpreter Online, the electronic companion to The United Methodist Interpreter magazine. Reprinted with permission from Interpreter Copyright © January 1997. All rights reserved.
United Methodist Interpreter Editor's Note: The United Methodist General Conference has held that sexual misconduct by clergy is a chargeable offense, and annual conferences have developed rigorous guidelines to govern clergy behavior. Writer James Poling offers basic information on sexual abuse by clergy in hopes that, as our church's awareness increases, so will our ministries to those harmed in the wake of this violation of trust.
As Christians called to care for other human beings as brothers and sisters, we need to commit ourselves to education and understanding about the issues surrounding sexual abuse by clergy.
The following are commonly raised questions and my attempts at common-sense answers.
 What is sexual abuse by clergy?
Sexual abuse by clergy occurs whenever an ordained minister engages in sexual behavior with someone for whom he or she has spiritual responsibility. One cannot be a pastor or counselor and a sexual partner to the same person.
How widespread is it?
Some studies indicate that 10 to 20 percent of all clergy have had sexual involvements with parishioners. Still more admit engaging in inappropriate sexualized emotional relationships that stopped short of physical expression. There are some indications that sexual abuse by clergy is increasing, perhaps because of sexual freedom gained from recent societal changes.
If both adults consent, why is it wrong?
When a person comes to a pastor for guidance, it is the pastor's role to point that person to the God of Jesus Christ and the healing resources of the body of Christ, the church, not to add to the confusion and brokenness.
Why don't we hear more about incidents of abuse by clergy?
Unless they are ready to change their behavior, abusers gain no benefits from admitting to their behavior. They often deny their role when confronted or accused. Victims, too, may be afraid or ashamed, so they keep the abuse a secret.
What can I, or my congregation, do?
Most of us are uncomfortable with this issue. It is sometimes hard to know what to believe because we are used to believing pastors rather than parishioners, men more than women, adults more than children, clergy more than laypersons. We must expose false myths about why it happens such as "ministers are only human" or "women ask for it."
If your pastor is accused or suspected of sexual abuse, empower a panel of trusted and knowledgeable people to investigate in strictest confidence and act quickly.
What is being done by bishops and other churchwide leaders to address abuse?
Many annual conferences have in place procedures which empower responsible committees to investigate charges, make recommendations, and remove offenders from positions of trust and responsibility.
But beyond this, we must ask ourselves what about our system has led some ordained ministers to believe that sexual involvement with parishioners is ever appropriate? Why has the church been so silent for many years, and why are we slow to change? Has our discrimination against women sent the message that women and children are second-class citizens in the church and available for exploitation?
These are difficult questions for us but ones we must face if we are to move from mere policies and procedures to a true sense of the sacred worth of all children of God, and the call of ministers to be caring guides, not exploiters of their flocks.
For more information, contact the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women, 1200 Davis St., Evanston, IL 60201; (847) 869-7330.
Creating Safe Space
Pamela Cooper-White, former director of the Center for Women and Religion at Berkeley, Calif., estimates the vast majority of victims, more than 95 percent, are women. She recommends the following steps for women who feel they have been sexually abused by their pastor:
- Talk with another member of the congregation, preferably a woman, about the problem.
- Seek advice from advocacy groups such as the Commission on the Status and Role of Women in your district, conference or the churchwide office (address below).
- Get counseling for yourself and, if necessary, for your family. Avoid contact with the pastor in question until the matter is resolved.
Advice for Clergy
Jim Sparks, professor in health and human issues at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, trains pastors about social, personal and sexual ethics. He offers the following advice for male pastors:
- Pay attention to where and how you meet people for counseling sessions, particularly women and youth. Structure meetings so you're not completely alone with the person to be counseled.
- Know your limitations as counselor. Suggest medical or professional counseling and treatment for persons "in extreme stress or need."
- Clergypersons uncertain about their own sense of worth may feel drawn to a troubled parishioner who sees the pastor as a hero. "Married pastors should make their marriages top priority, and go to their spouses when they're feeling bad," Sparks says. Celibate clerics should seek support of friends and colleagues. As a professional, you shouldn't look to your parishioners to meet your emotional needs," he adds.
Copyright © 1997 Interpreter, The United Methodist Church. All rights reserved.
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