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From The Depths of My Soul
The Pain Speaks Out
by a survivor of clergy sexual
abuse
From the depths of my soul the pain speaks out.
There seems no place to go. I seek justice, I speak my words, my truth.
People listen, but do they really hear?
No one knows my internal battle.
I bare my soul for all to see. I take the risk. I make the leap.
Who is there to catch me? Will I make it? Will they understand?
I speak my words again. Telling all.
Telling of the anguish, the self-loathing, the flashbacks, and dreams.
I tell, but do they hear? Can they see my battered heart and soul growing weary
from the fight? Do they see my faith in God?
Do they see who I am, or am I just another victim?
Here, here's some money. Go away, speak of this no more.
We don't want to hear it any more. No one can know. We must protect ourselves.
It is not our fault, we are not responsible. Go on your way.
Be silent, speak of this no more.
My heart is torn, my faith and hope crumble. Have they heard me? Do they
understand?
All I want are simple words, "we're sorry," but it seems so hard to
get. I go on trying to continue to speak. My heart and soul yearning for
justice. Can I keep going?
Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes it hurts too much. I've been told that the
truth sets you free, but it seems to have imprisoned me.
Don't speak the truth. It is doubtful. We aren't responsible.
Take the money and be on your way.
But my soul is still empty. Why don't you see me for who I am?
I don't want revenge, I seek justice. I continue to call out.
Will I be heard? Who will listen? I bared my soul, I spoke the truth through
shame and terror. Did you hear me? Did you see me? Did you hear what was in my
heart?
Are you there? Where is God in the Church? Where is God?
Where is courage? Where is faith? Why are you afraid of me?
I only speak the truth from my heart. Can you do the same in response?
Where is Jesus?
The lawyers have taken over, we need protection. We act out of fear of the
future.
We can't trust you.
Where is the faith? Why can't you trust in God to do what is just?
Why do you hide behind lawyers?
We are afraid. Others might find out. We will be condemned and scorned.
We hurt too.
Accept the truth, act on the truth, and have faith that God will be there.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm confused? What do they want?
Do they hear me? Do they see me?
I don't know. I don't know.
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Exploitation
