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How Little We Knew -
Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct
(a first-person horror story by Dee Miller) |
Nobody wants to talk about it. When it
involves the clergy, nobody wants to even think about it. Now, Dee Miller dares to
challenge its greatest perpetuator - SILENCE!
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"Every health care professional and member of the clergy needs to read
this book. Those with little or no experience with sexual abuse will find well-articulated
insights into the powerfully destructive ways abuse affects both the victim and the
community in which it takes place. For victims of sexual abuse, it will provide strong
consensual validation that their responses are normal, that they aren't crazy, and that
there is help available."
Judith Shelly, RN, MAR, Senior Editor of Intervarsity's The Journal of
Christian Nursing |
"Other writers in the past decade have addressed such issues
as incest, violation and mistrust, even clergy abuse, but few have acknowledged the
magnitude of the systematic abuse addressed here."
from the forward by Dr. Bert Kae-Je', Diplomat AAPC, Director of Education and
Training, Pastoral Institute, Columbus, Georgia.
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What happens
when a group of professional ministers suddenly find themselves facing a sexual predator
in their own midst?
They are forced to confront the illusions about safety in the community of faith. This
true story clearly illustrates the common games of collusion and frequently gives us a
glance at what Miller calls "DIM Thinking" which lies behind the games. |
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Miller's term "DIM
Thinking": Behind collusion one will always find some form of "DIM
Thinking" (Denial, Ignorance, and Minimization). Ignorance here may refer to one
or all of the following: mis-information about the dynamics of abuse, resistance to
attempts to provide education, or a choice to ignore what one knows. Colluders may be
guilty of DIM Thinking about the abuse, about collusion itself, or both. More about
collusion... |
The setting is unusual -- deep in the heart of Africa, where the Millers were serving
as career missionaries. Yet the dynamics will be all too familiar to any survivor or
advocate who has ever tried to expose sexual violence in a profession which is expected to
provide the model of healthy, moral living.
The story in How Little We Knew is about the aftermath of the abuse of
minors, as well as the blatant assaults or molestation of adult co-workers, by a man who
had already spent a quarter of a century as a foreign missionary. The author was one of
the adult victims.
This book is a dramatic true story of courage and hope. It exposes the
revictimization by both the family and the system - a problem many abuse victims agree is
far more traumatizing than the initial abuse. And it's a clarion call to the Church
to address and end the evil of sexual abuse - particularly when it occurs within its own
ranks.
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"Sexual Misconduct"
Finding a sub-title for the book was one of the most challenging tasks of writing it. In
1993--the time of its publication (and in most circles today), "sexual
misconduct" is the popular term for what happens when a professional in any way
sexually exploits a person of lesser power. "Sexual misconduct" is a legal term.
In titling the book, Dee finally settled on what she considered a minimizing
term--"sexual misconduct," hoping this would help it to be found by the
appropriate audience."Clergy Sexual Abuse"
Throughout her own web-site ("Confronting Collusion in Churches"),
you will find "clergy sexual abuse." This term, it was felt, would be the most
common one used in searches. However, it is not the author's preference. Despite the
media's extensive use of the term "sexual abuse" to refer to the abuse of both
adults and children, the public still seems to think of sexual abuse as something
which could only happen to children. The general public seems to find the term ambiguous.
Survivors often find it minimizing.
"Sexual Violence"
If given the opportunity to change the cover today, Dee would select the term "sexual
violence." This change is being supported by progressive writers, such as Friedman
and Boumil in their book, Betrayal
of Trust (Praeger, 1995). Miller believes it is the term most appropriate in
describing the wide array of violations perpetuated by clergy, whether or not there is
actual physical violence involved.
FOR THE GREATEST VIOLATION OF CLERGY SEXUAL ABUSE AND COLLUSION WITH IT
IS THE VIOLATION OF THE SOUL!!! |
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