|
[ Back ] [ Intro ] [ Next ]
Information for Victims and Victim Advocates on Sexual Exploitation by
Counselors and Therapists
For Concerned Persons
 I am working hard on
repairing the damage this exploitation did to my marriage. My husband has been very
depressed and angered by what happened, and he doesn't trust any kind of therapy now.
How you may feel
As family members or significant people in the life
of someone who has experienced sexual exploitation by a counselor, you are concerned
persons. You may feel the crisis in ways that are similar to the victim or in ways
that are unique. You will be dealing with your loved one's feelings and your own
feelings.
You may be feeling angry and betrayed. You may be feeling jealous
and threatened. When you first find out about the sexual exploitation, you may feel
like it was an affair. The reaction is common; however it was not an affair.
When counselors get sexually involved with their clients, they are meeting their own needs
at the expense of the client. Remember that sexual exploitation by a counselor
involves an abuse of power, that it is the counselor's responsibility (not the client's)
when exploitation occurs, and that many professionals have found sexual exploitation by
counselors to be a serious enough problem to create laws against it.
You may be feeling guilty that you did not see what was happening or that
you felt something was wrong and you did not know what to do. Remember that
exploitation occurs within an atmosphere of secrecy at a time when the client is highly
vulnerable and seeking help. The counselor was responsible for setting the
boundaries and did not do it.
Another difficult issue is feeling a loss of intimacy with your loved one.
It may help to realize that you are both struggling with that and intimacy can be
regained in time. If your loved one reacts by withdrawing from you, remember it is
about the exploitation, not about you.
You may be feeling helpless; that nothing you can do will erase the
experience. You cannot change history. What you can do is support your loved
one in the decisions that must be faced.
Sometimes with feelings of helplessness comes a need to control the person
or the decisions. One of the feelings victims often have is a loss of control over
their own lives. For you to act pushy or coercive does not allow the victim to
regain the feelings of being in control. Your loved one needs to take the lead in
recovery. The decisions that you might make for them may not fit for their healing.
If a complaint is being made, frustration with the systems is a common
feeling. While the systems were not set up to re-victimize anyone, they may feel
impersonal and blaming. It also may take a long time for the systems to do their
work.
Knowing what to do
Accept the experience the way it happened without blaming yourself or your
loved one. Second-guessing their behavior will only increase the pain and block
healing. While it is helpful to know that sexual exploitation by counselors has
occurred to others, avoid comparisons. Each victim and each situation is unique as
are your reactions to what occurred.
Support your loved one in the choices that need to be made. In these
resources, you have read about many of the options available. You may want the
victim to take action in stopping the offender's behavior or letting the secret out, but
what is more helpful is to let the victim make decisions that will best aid healing.
Victims should only have to be responsible for their own healing, not for the
healing of their loved ones or for stopping the offender from hurting others.
Be ready to listen when and if they want to talk to you about the sexual
exploitation. Details may never be discussed; they are not needed. Try to
respond in a non-judgmental way, keeping in mind that the victim's trust in others has
been eroded and it may take some time to trust anyone again.
Seek outside help yourself. Determine who you can talk to and
receive support from. A trusted friend or a concerned professional can be helpful as
you sort out our feelings and responses. It is too great a burden to face all of
this by yourself.
Copyright © 1988 Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault,
with edits by AdvocateWeb.
[ Intro ] [ Introduction ] [ Definitions of Sexual Exploitation ] [ Warning Signs ] [ If it is You ] [ Questions You May Be Asking ] [ Counselors Who Exploit ] [ Consider the Options ] [ You Don't Have to Do This Alone ] [ For Concerned Persons ] [ Choosing a Counselor ] [ Client's Bill of Rights ]
|
Disclaimer
Exploitation
