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Information for Victims and Victim Advocates on Sexual Exploitation by
Counselors and Therapists
If it is You
If you have been a victim of sexual exploitation by a counselor, facing
the experience may be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. You may be
experiencing many feelings - hurt, betrayal, anger - or you may be feeling nothing, a sort
of numbness. You are probably feeling confusion and ambivalence about the
experience. All of this is normal. Acknowledging what has happened is a big
step.
It is also normal to feel overwhelmed about the idea of "doing
something" about being exploited by your counselor. Remember, you have control
in this even if you're not feeling very much in control. Getting started usually
involves these steps:
Gaining awareness - of what happened, of being able to
name the experience, of your feelings, of how this is affecting others.
Exploring options - defining your personal goal,
determining what kind of help is needed.
Initiating action - deciding what the right action is
for reaching your goal and when to start.
Getting continuing support - staying connected to
support people, preparing for a long wait or possible disappointment with the outcome.
 The years that I was
in therapy with the person who exploited me are all blank. I can't remember any of
our conversations or what we worked on. I do remember constantly wondering whether
he was going to be sexual with me this time. I felt powerless to stop him and was
very confused by my own feelings of attraction and guilt, fear and shame.
In going through the healing process, these confusing and often painful
feelings may occur at different times:
Reliving the experience - shame, betrayal, pleasure.
Loyalty to the counselor - ambivalence about reporting,
guilt over any trouble the counselor might get into.
Fear - of being discounted, of retaliation by the
counselor, of public exposure, of how family and friends might react.
Distrust - of your own feelings, of anyone trying to
help.
Loss - grief over the end of the relationship.
Relief - in sharing your experience and finding an end
to the isolation.
Resolution - a feeling of regaining a sense of personal
power and control, understanding.
Anger - at yourself, at the counselor.
Self-blame - feeling that somehow this was all your own
fault.
Confusion - about what to do or who to tell.
It helps to be extra kind to yourself, to trust your own sense of timing
and to be patient and open-minded about the outcome of any action you might take.
Copyright © 1988 Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault,
with edits by AdvocateWeb.
[ Intro ] [ Introduction ] [ Definitions of Sexual Exploitation ] [ Warning Signs ] [ If it is You ] [ Questions You May Be Asking ] [ Counselors Who Exploit ] [ Consider the Options ] [ You Don't Have to Do This Alone ] [ For Concerned Persons ] [ Choosing a Counselor ] [ Client's Bill of Rights ]
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Exploitation
