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Information for Victims and Victim Advocates on Sexual Exploitation by
Counselors and Therapists
Questions You May Be Asking Yourself
 He used to say that I
was very special and our relationship was unique. When I found out that there had
been other clients that he 'loved;' I felt humiliated and used.
As you begin to look at what has
happened and what you would like to do, questions will arise.
Q: Why was I attracted to my
counselor? Is it normal?
A: It is normal to feel respect, liking and
attraction for a counselor. It is always the counselor's responsibility to set and
keep limits.
Q: Am I a victim?
A: For a counselor to have sex with his or her
client is against the law. You are a victim of a crime.
Q: Why are my feelings so mixed?
A: As in any situation where there is
confusion, mixed feelings are normal.
Q: Who should I tell? Do I have
to do anything about it? When?
A: You are in control of the decision of who
to tell or when to tell anyone. If you are looking at legal options, there are some
time limitations on action.
Q: How is this affecting the other
people in my life?
A: They may be feeling some of the same things
you are - confusion, possibly anger or blaming, uncertainty as to where they fit in.
Q: Am I looking at my feelings or am I
thinking about the counselor's feelings? Is this harmful? How?
A: If you have been in an abusive relationship
with a counselor, you may have been taking care of the counselor's feelings a lot.
Now is the time to think about your needs.
After sorting out your initial feelings about what
has happened, you may have some different questions.
Q: How do I figure out what to do?
A: Read this information. Talk to
someone you trust. Call a crisis line. No one choice is better than another.
Expect to feel confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty about your goals. You may
change your mind several times. Look at all your options and see what most closely
fits your goal. What seems most healing for you? You don't have to do anything
right now.
Q: How do I know that I am doing the
right thing?
A: Ask yourself - what is your biggest fear?
It could be that you are worried about protecting the counselor, you don't want to
give up that special relationship, you fear retaliation or public exposure, or you just
aren't ready. You may need some time to get a perspective on this.
Q: What if I don't want to do anything
specific?
A: Some people find they don't need to take
action, but most are helped by sharing the experience with a trusted person.
When you have considered all your options, made some
decisions and begun to take action:
Q: How do I feel now that I am doing
something? Why are my feelings still mixed?
A: You can expect to feel another mixture of
contrasting feelings - loss and grief over the end of the relationship, relief that
reliving the experience is coming to an end, regaining personal power or possible
disappointment that your specific goal was not reached.
Q: How can I ever trust a counselor
again?
A: A good counselor won't expect you to trust
right away. Trust your own sense of timing.
Q: Can I guarantee that my goal will
be reached? What if the outcome is not what I want?
A: No guarantees. Even though there may
be disappointment, there is always the gain of reducing your isolation, sharing the
experience and being believed. Regardless of the outcome, you may gain a sense of
control and power that you didn't feel before.
Copyright © 1988 Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault,
with edits by AdvocateWeb.
[ Intro ] [ Introduction ] [ Definitions of Sexual Exploitation ] [ Warning Signs ] [ If it is You ] [ Questions You May Be Asking ] [ Counselors Who Exploit ] [ Consider the Options ] [ You Don't Have to Do This Alone ] [ For Concerned Persons ] [ Choosing a Counselor ] [ Client's Bill of Rights ]
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