Reverend

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Reverend
by Marilyn
(this was posted in our AdvocateWeb Guestbook)

What did you feel
when I told you about
my free falls into hell?
Did you feel like a flesh and blood saviour
able to grab me by the ankles
and deliver me from the swirling gloom?
Or did you breathe a sigh of relief
that you plunged in the company of another?

What did you think
when I confessed my desire
to never wake again?
Did your mathematical mind attempt
to cancel your own deficit of
vitality with my despised surplus?
Or did you hope the loophole I sought
Would relieve us both of the burdens we carried?

What did you dream
when you held me to your heart?
Did you imagine a new beginning
with a woman who played like a child
or raged like the demons of hell itself?
Or was it a temporary fix
that propped your male ego, made you twenty again?

What did you feel
when you heard I'd confessed?
Did you rage and curse me: "psychotic bitch!"
who never took "no" for an answer
who had destroyed her own life and now yours?
Or did you feel I had betrayed you
and cry like I did when I discovered you lied?

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