Her pseudonym is Fiver, named after the prophetic rabbit out of the book: "Watership Down" .

Copyright © 2000-2002 Fiver. All rights reserved. 
You may share these poems with other survivors as long as they mention the Fiver pseudonym.

Brave Heart August 2002   New

More brittle than the finest branch,
to've drifted o'er the precipice.
Observe the hemispheres apart;
How treacherous man's heart.

More fearsome than the mightiest forest,
to've climbed out of its hellish abyss.
Observe the hemispheres in union;
How powerfully strong, a man's heart…

The slightest touch of leaf upon skin,
stirs the tendrils of man's heart within.
Yet firm the hand and clear the eye,
with no delay a path is hewn through dense foray.

The mind surrounded by a brave heart,
is strong, yet sensitive.
It will not fail, receptive
to the call, fulfill its mission…..

Fiver

Earth Reveries February 2002  

The deep red golden sun
is drifting o'er the edge as it goes down.
How much longer will it glow
within this universe?

The fences in the garden lay wrecked,
as fierce winds have forced them down.
How much longer will we ignore
the painful howls of nature?

The seas whipped high in raging fury,
as waves rise up and shatter down
small beach huts on the coast
and rivers break their banks in floods of tears.

The nations rise up their fundamentalist arms,
burn trains, blast towerblocks down.
How much longer will it take
until they reconcile their shadow?

The earth is screaming out its pangs
of labour but are we deaf or play it down?
Whoever listens to the voice of nature
knows that it prophesies an end to this Old World.

We will not learn the lessons that it teaches us.
This world will shout out loud as it goes down:
"You have got out of touch with the sod
that you were made of!"

I wonder who will still be here,
when after all is burnt and broken down?
When we have learned to be true to ourselves,
our God, others and tremble in reverence…..

Fiver

Icicles of Pain February 2002  

What we can do with icicles of frozen pain,
is just what makes the difference
between wholeness, bruising or indifference.
 
Some take the icicles and use them as weapons,
piercing the sky's skin,
and leaving gaping, weeping wounds…
 
Some turn away, pretending not to know,
indifferent to their denial of bitterness.
A cynicism covering a growing icy desert…
 
Some hold their icicles against their beating hearts,
until they melt and long held tears roll over cheeks,
unashamedly admitting they are but human.
 
And for the Grace of God they go,
hold out their hands to touch the weeping sky,
mending torn threads in vuln'rability…..

Fiver

Les derniers seront les premiers April 2001

Brave hearts are those who
Face their pain, the guilt, the shame.
Projected onto them in childhood,
Embrace the broken child.

They break th'oppressive seal of Silence,
Reveal the unbearable Secret.
Hold up their heads in Honour,
As the world scuttles away in fear.

Your Brave heart may not appear
As warrior or soldier,
But shapes as a gentle spirit,
Though steel in her backbone, and Truth in her eyes.

If you can look into Her eyes,
Not cast your own to the ground.
Then you're a Friend
And Lover of the Truth.

You've found the Way to Life!!

Dear Counsellor

I came to you, with my unconscious pain,
Not knowing what was lying round the bend,
Until I turned that corner and the agony, torment
Cut through me to the core but it was not in vain.

Your motherly warmth and love drew
me out of my dark corner into the light.
I now accept the whole picture of abuse,
But then you turned the switch back into night.

You said: "You need a mother, I need a daughter."
And: "You've been more of a friend than a client."
I loved you so dearly, so thirsty for the water
of unconditional motherly love without any other intent.

But your own needs got tangled up with mine.
Why did you betray me, why did you betray my trust?
I'd told you all my pain but you turned it into dust.
Thank God that I am strong enough now and I am fine.

But then I had regressed into my pain, a little girl of four,
my needs so raw, my needless years of guilt and shame.
You wielded lots of power but even now you blame
Me for transference, you lay it at my door.

Please counsellors, be self-aware and deal
With your own needs in the appropriate setting.
Respect the client's boundaries and feel
With empathy the double agony from where the client's sitting.

Fiver

Second Order Symbiosis (SOS)
 
When I was in your womb and hidden,
the thoughts you had were totally forbidden.
You gave me life, so you could take it,
a bun in the oven, designed and created,
to fulfil all your needs, emotional, sexual,
to carry your pain, light conductor's aerial.

A radar, so sensitive and so strong..
When you were sad, I sang you a song.
When you were randy and my dad in many ways absent,
I was there to satisfy you and make you content.
Why did I let you? Because you implied
if I did not comply, you'd commit suicide.

Then I came to you, a therapist, your real name's Ruth.
I faced my repressed pain and agony. I faced the gory truth.
When I told you, your stomach twisted and you gasped: "Your Mother?!"
Horrified inside at your reaction, I thought " O Brother,
am I even a freak in the survivors category?"
Maternal incest of a 4year old daughter is too much to cope with for society…..

or is it also too much to cope with for you?
and all the links with your frame of reference too?
In French you call yourself now 'Christ's donkey',
but with all your knowledge, your thoughts are wonkey
and your own dissociated inner kid still screams out in pain.
Unbeknown to all, your locked compartment, you must contain

and hide all this from your clients and students.
You teach them now about boundaries and counter transference.
How I wish that you would practise what you preach.
Get help, get whole so you won't have a secret leach.
God loves that inner child of you too, no need to feel shame
of what happened to you. No need to abuse others again….

Fiver

Cruelty in nun's clothes

How dare you blame me, shame the real me
From your psychotherapeutic throne.
How dare you project the shadow of your psychopathology
Upon my heart; I'm not responsible for your own
Unfinished business.

How dangerous you are, if my case was just too hard
For you, you should have referred me on.
Instead you fumbled, tumbled from the start
And so carried on and on:
Cruelty Incompetence Cowardice.

How hard I've worked at the traumatised kid
Deep in the cellar of my being.
I'm standing up for her, not keeping the lid
On all the wrong things you are doing.
My kid is very precious.

And now I'm gone, you've chosen your next victims
Whom you will get to nurture your own denied 'poor me'.
Your venom's gall, your hatred's very vicious.
The best I can but feel for you is deepest pity.
Not bitterness, but utter tragic sadness….

Fiver

In the Grip of the Guru Counsellor

You'd cast your charismatic nets around my searching frame,
as I had looked for you in every church and congregation.
Emotional intelligence, deep spiritual wisdom, no not fame
or power I was seeking, nor idolatry and adulation.
But like each guru's visited a hellish darkness, once in his or her life,
so now you draw and need disciples, husbands, wives….

so you can stay up on the pedestal, that highly positioned elevation
from which you'll tumble when the chips are finally up.
Later you wanted a friendship, a mutual, normal relation
of balanced intimacy, but gurus cannot share such a relationship.
Their family ties cut off, restricted human discourse
within the walls of a Franciscan order; exert such force

upon their followers that they agree with all she utters.
their egos submissive under her observant gaze.
Her radar picks up vibes when a disciple under his breath mutters
and he is reprimanded publicly; don't be amazed
when others cannot respond in a normal rational way….
and so forgive her temper as…'the pressures of the day'

How sad, how tragic that you cannot normally relate
to others outside your psychotherapeutic kingdom,
Apart from seeing clients and students, you must negotiate
your tiresome duties according to your RC emporium.
What healing it could have brought to both of us
with proper boundaries in place, without those cruel catholic restrictions…

Fiver

My Grace is Sufficient

For so long I held on to the thought that I was good enough
till my own 'strength' gave out, I gave in to your Power.
Surrendered Self to You and Your ways much higher from above.
No condemnation as I stood weeping in the shower
of your love as I'd expected criticism for my brokeness.
Instead Your eyes concerned, Your Strength infusing my human weakness.

The world would have thrown me out, no good
to them, these broken, shattered pieces on the floor.
No good for anything, 'just bin her' and misunderstood
that You're transforming all inside me. Not as before
I now will ever be but a new Light is in my face
as I now live between my weakness and your Grace……

Fiver

Cambria

So often do I wander back and feel at home
in times gone by; am I an ancient soul?
Through fields and farmlands' wafting wheat I roam.
I keep on searching for this jigsaw piece to make me whole.
So often do I question my very existence.
I nearly was not here but for my parents' decision

that I should heal my mother's womb
and see to all her needs.
A Voice from deep within though speaks of Wisdom
and of a deeper purpose; I'm listening attentively, I heed
it's softly spoken sayings from a different World:
A flower in dry soil; its petals almost now unfurled.

O ancient Mother, your spiritual insights give me Strength.
Please help me just to bridge this gaping hole
inside of me, so I can live my life and be abundant
with the Love you've stored right at the bottom of my soul.
In song and dance I can express this deepest Source.
Please help me in the mundane to be attached to Your Life force…..

Fiver

Dutch Courage

When threatening shadows
of the gallows
cast their eerie fear
upon my childlike heart

I grab your hand
and face the threats,
so close, so near.
I do not fall apart.

I've made mistakes
in trusting the wrong folks.
But with each month, each year,
I look and I take heart.

Each time that I make progress.
Each time I dig up courage
to face the fear
but do it anyway, is hard.

I look inside and face my grief,
but realise to my relief
that you are near
and cradling my heart.

Fiver

Lady Wisdom    Is. 45:2,3

Here hidden in the shadows
within the smallest room,
inside the darkness, way below,
I touch your frailty, dispel the doom.
For you are Lady Wisdom.

And as I speak soft murmurs,
your inner flame grows stronger.
And as I groan, howl, stammer
all desires, hunger for your inner
Grace, O Lady Wisdom…

Then your Light and flame burn
upon my tearstained face.
What can I do but turn
myself to you, embrace
your dancing fire, O Lady Wisdom.

These treasures I can only find
within these hidden places.
These visions are in front, behind
me; wrapped round my wrists,
your furlongs draw me, Lady Wisdom.

You whisper dreams a world beyond
the highest firmament.
Yet unprepared though is my mind
for images, a wondrous sky omniscient.
Revealed by you, O Lady Wisdom.

I didn't know that I'd discover
these jewels in this darkest forest,
inside the epicentre of this storm, I quietly hover
and carried on this meditative quest;
Your Gift of Peace, O Lady Wisdom.

It's on the edges of my frame,
you hail me in your womb.
The fear, intensity of pain
subsides, as you cocoon
me in these silent depths of Wisdom….

Fiver

The Valley of Time

We're here but for a while,
to dance, to sing, to love in style.
To worship God and walk the mile
upon life's road with sheer abandonment,
surrendered hearts to suff'ring and enjoyment.

A baby born, a newling at the start,
with open eyes and open heart.
No boundaries, no barriers apart.
She is the world, the world is her.
No evil, good, no power.

Sweet child now as you yearn
to find out more, so much to learn.
this is your life, this is your turn
to touch the light, the stars , the moon,
th'eternal sky. the world's in tune.

And as you dance this greatest symphony.
From heaven to earth now flows the energy.
Your earthly body tasting Eternity.
This planetarian valley of hourly time
is but a part of life, a taste of bread and wine.

We build a wall, defend the woundedness inside.
we think we're safe, and we can hide
that deepest part, our essence opened wide……
Your healing water gushes like a river
over this wartorn, broken heart…… I shiver……

The fire's out, the phoenix is in flight
and leaves behind the darkness of the night,
faces the sunshine and the light
of truth and peace within, integrity.
heaven and earth in harmony……

Fiver

Centre's Illusion Collusion

You're colluding with the abuser, all
like a big dysfunctional family.
You've raised her on a pedestal,
the gurumama of your counselling family.

When I was little and very small,
my mother said: "Don't hang the dirty wash out!"
I had to stay silent, no I couldn't tell
but inside I wanted to scream about

the loss of childhood, the lack of respect
for my being. My bound'ries were violated.
You pretended you didn't know, didn't suspect
'cause wasn't I 'mama's little favourite?'

Do you know the price I had to pay
for a little 'love', a little 'attention?'
But you've all turned your back, said 'go away',
clung on to your picture and your illusion

that she is absolutely wonderful.
Your course is the best one in town.
But this time I'm big, I am an adult
and although you've all let me down,…..

I'm not playing your silly little game
and stay stumm for your illusion's sake.
'If it weren't for you' is the game
you now play, for there's so much for you at stake.

When I came in distress and told you my pain,
you didn't want to hear about her ability to abuse.
Do you know how many times I tried in vain
to sort it out with her, but she 'absolutely refused' ?!

So you Covered up, Ignored and Cast me away
and said I was waging a denigrating campaign
against the centre and its staff. You say
'You're taking revenge, please don't complain!'

'You stupid fools, don't you understand?!'
'You've all had the wool pulled over your head!'
'You're all her babies, and only there to mend
her inner womb's wound instead.

I hope that when all this is finished,
maybe you'll see the truth, reality.
But I know that God's Truth and Justice
will have danced with Compassion and Mercy.

Fiver

Thank You, Mary

Behind my metal rimmed spectacles,
sometimes a wounded child stares,
unveiled, straight back into your eyes.
Slowly and patiently removing barnacles,
making first-aid repairs.
Indomitable spirits, so courageous, wise.

That wisdom deep inside me knows
that saline water cleanses
wounds deep within my being.
Potassium filled tears, I let them flow.
At times, the pain's immense.
Blurred glasses stop me from seeing.

Yet this time, my little fighter
was not alone, a totally new experience
to have some people, my little one can trust.
The burden shared and therefore so much lighter.
Researchers who have studied the abusive incidence,
remove the veil and blow away the dust.

The public does not want to know, protect
their 'world' with high walls and resistance.
Ignorant masses though beware…..
Brave hearted pioneers defy and lecture
with charm and brutal honesty, burning persistence,
driven by holy anger, when they see the wounded stare…….

Fiver

Moon Dreams

Reflected light streams
from this friend at darkest times…
Awake with restless thoughts
or in the midst of dreams
of powerful, subconscious emotions,
stirred by an inner lava stream
of molten turbulence.
The hidden conflicts I have fought,
embraced, dived in this fiery mass.
Sustained the burns and felt the violence,
the searing pain of loss and negligence.
Yet healing coolness of your light.
O moon, quietens and reassures
this little one inside.
My eyes are opened wide
with wonder of your light.
The sparkles of your dust
now from my eyes I wipe.
The morning's here…
But still I know
that I can
see you again
tonight…..

Fiver

Suffer the Little Children

Suffer the little children to come to me,
for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
They're yours to love and hold, build up emotionally,
to encourage, empower spiritually.

Their gift of trust is so precious.
Their inner eyes display their essence.
Their hearts so open, their minds so curious.
Their pure poetic beauty, their innocence.

Suffer the damaged adults to come to us,
for theirs is the struggle on earth.
Ignored, molested, abused, neglected.
Trust, innocence raped, their essence rejected.

The client's trusting Hope is so precious.
Their courage so great to reopen the wound
of the past as they allow you to see their scarred essence.
Tread gently, their needs uppermost, stay on ethical ground.

Fiver

To my mate

Gently you hold me in your bear-hug embrace,
You stroke my hair, you stroke my face.
I cannot bear just yet your warm and loving gaze.
I turn away, too scared for you to see the base

and raw reality of my devastated soul,
the tool for hope and trust is still so very fragile.
I cannot rush this process, please wait a while
until I'm not so vulnerable, until I am more whole.

The key to my secret garden, will not be lost forever.
The weeds are being cleared, the unhealthy bond severed.
The wounded soil just needs some time to recover
from the shock, before we can endeavour

to turn the earth, rake, fertilise and feed
the hungry sod and scatter poppy-seeds.
The stirrings of new life, just need, my mate
a little time, before we can be intimate….

One day we'll make a feature
of the holes, the strangely jagged edge.
There is such deep joy for the future.
We've survived for years living on the edge.

Just be patient, my love, my mate.
One day we'll dance, we'll celebrate.
The strength and depth of our love; the gate
unlocked, the garden with flowers ornate….

Fiver

Who Am I ?

A world of purest inspiration,
a waterfall of droplets come
cascading down.
The inner beauty of imagination.
The King upon His throne,
upon His Head, a golden Crown.

He reigns within this world inside
but nudges , urges me to be
living in the present.
The world within gives me much insight
but my feet need: concrete reality
to fully get a grip, and understand.

A dreamer, I can lose myself
in dull, debilitating depressions
without actions, without purpose.
I will not find myself,
need reaching out beyond impressions
and stabilise as I come to the surface.

To test my hunches, feelings
and my multiple assumptions
against the fact of the Reality,
is vital for successful living
on this earth, with questions
clouds take shape and I find me!

Fiver

Seeds of Hope
 
In a forgotten corner of a London Park,
a small oak
stands proud and strong.
Her branches heavenwards, intent on picking up the harmful sounds
from the seat of government.
Some politicians slip away,
sit on the bench, close to the oak
and smoke….
Their fag ends lie abandoned
next to the empty bottles of coke
on which the oak nurtures
herself, producing acorns.
Deep in the foliage,
hidden from view,
many scorned birds
have taken residence.
The bark is weathered
as she has stood the test
of many a raging storm.
Behind the leaves
the birds are growing feathers
against the winter's cold.
Her saplings, grown
from broken acorns
close by, pick up the rustle
as the wind plays notes
of Handels heavenly 'Messiah'.
A snatched oasis
from the hustle, bustle
of th'eternal fight for justice,
carving a place, a niche
for cult stricken, shaken birds……………

Fiver

Guardians of My Heart

A rider in the night
upon his horse so white,
with manes ablaze
and in his eyes, the fire of light.
he hastens to the glen
and takes his place
amongst the rows of knights.
his breath a breeze of blessing.
their spirits now awaken
and as they form a round,
the wounded child is placed
inside the centre, on the ground.
her tears are wept, her open hands
receive the breath, the blessing.
the pain endured, she smiles and sends
the sun awarming in the heavens.
the seeds of love are strewn, the rain
in droplets form a silver curtain.
the mandolin is taken from the tree
and from within a song is welling up inside of me……

Fiver

Freedom

The seed lay entombed
within the rich and patient clay.
outer shell cracked, soft centre displayed.
so tender, so sensitive, so vulnerable……

And then the heart breaks,
unmendable, past restoration.
the soil in funeral colours mourns
the untimely death in solemn condemnation.

It reprimands the incompetent boot
which broke the neck of this flower.
betrayed trust in her eyes, no radiant power…
But hidden from sight, subterraneous roots

prepare to dig deeper, drink in rich minerals
from Mother earth's bounty of nourishment.
Three shoots appear, three promising potentials.
Invisibly the patch protected from the elements,

as His hand hovers, releases the New Life,
through the brokeness of the soft centre,
Lets go off the empty shell of shallow family, friends,
explores new pastures, embraces new adventures……

Fiver

Unspoken

Sometimes there are things
best left unsaid.
Somehow there are times
when just a hand or look conveys
the message so much better.
When it's not safe, restraints
are put upon the uttered word,
the thoughts will float unstained
into the atmosphere. Without the letter
of the word, the spirit takes
the meaning of the other frame
of reference; the unspoken word
received in joy or pain……

Fiver

Joyous Ruach

Inside the woods, the leaves
were dancing frivolously
on the bright branches.
Their graceful movements
gratefully observed.

The playful, spirited wind
was sucking in its cheeks
and blowing bubbles
on the bark's belly,
so laughter shook the branches' hands.

O, come and dance with me
this daring dance of life on earth
and you will dance into eternity.
The suncast shadow is no enemy,
when you accept him, you will live abundantly.

Reject him and he'll brew a storm,
batter and sever branches,
crush delicate leaves.
But dance with him together
as a friend, then you will live forever.

Fiver

The Crushing Power of Healing Hands

To have those healing hands,
impart life's liberating vitality.
To crush those chains
and set the prisoner free.
Can you imagine
the inevitable esteem?

To have the needy parishioner
kneel at your feet in perplexity
as he or she so struggles
with issues of faith and spirituality.
Can you but comprehend
the inevitable power, command?

To have the knowledge
of the world of psychotherapy,
regress the client,
heal the wounded intimacy.
Can you but see
the growing grandiosity?!

The candle of life's flame
cuts its cruel shadows
from outstretched healing hands
across those vulnerable hearts.
They came in trust, yet were betrayed
by those who came with the intent
to heal, but they were so incompetent,
so unaware of their own needs and lurking shades
in darkest unacknowledged caverns
of their own souls and their professions.

Beware, your client may well lift you
in their regressed fantasy
(let's not forget it was induced by you)
up to the heights of holiest divinity.
But take a healthy look
at your own frail humanity.

Embrace your shadow, before inflicting carnage
on the unsuspecting child of your client's soul.
Protecting your and their boundaries.
And then with serious humour smile
at your human feet of clay (no you're not god!)
firmly planted on this planet's sod.

Fiver

Destiny   PS. 139, JER. 29; 11,12,13

When you kissed my spirit
whilst you were forming me
inside my mother's womb,
a lump was left inside my gullet,
a hank'ring for a distant destiny,
an ache within my bones for Home.

With creative strokes your brush
painted a plan for me
upon the canvas of my skin.
the seed within was planted, flourished,
then broken to reveal my hidden destiny:
The latent Power of Your Love within.

This healing Love flows from Your Source
embracing Goodness now surrounds me,
holding my heart inside Your Hands.
Your eyes are calling me, no force
is exercised to follow You into my Destiny
the strangest pastures, peoples, lands.

Your Home is right inside this earthly pot of clay.
You're always there, you're always with me.
You share with me every experience.
You are my Life, Truth and the way.
Alpha, Omega and my Destiny….
My past, my future and my present.

'Father, forgive them, for they are ignorant'
were your last words before your temple ceased to be.
Your Spirit freeing, releasing trains of captives,
dancing in rhythm to your music, jubilant!
A glimpse, a snippet of my final Destiny.
I somehow comprehend your plans for me, your Purpose…..

Fiver

Driftwood
 
You stole my soul
when I was small.
you thought you'd won,
but I had just begun
to fight and snatched it back.
Although in tatters, an utter wreck,
I wrapped my weeping soul
into the hollow of my chest, consoled,
nurtured and piecemeal fed,
cleansing the wound which bled and bled

The driftwood figure stood and shone
an inner light from times bygone
had stood the test of time,
been drenched in salty waters , wine,
been whipped and lashed and nailed.
it seemed the wrecked ship's journey failed.
but human hands performed with creativity,
a 'living' piece presenting heaven's beauty.
Creator's Carpenter performed a wonder:
Deep calls to deep, ne'er to be torn asunder……

Fiver

Regenesis (Ezekiel)

Words from your lips were spoken,
blown by heaven's storms and breathed
upon earth's ready, fertile soil.
Words of Life inside genetic coils,
containing codes TAGC pierced,
thrust upon a waiting sod, upon dead bones,
YAHWEH inspired chromosomes.

The Passion in Your voice
as you breathed Life into dead matter.
The Power in Your lungs
as you exhaled, flung
continents in place, yet with finest measure,
infinite nuances of selective choice,
created human beings, birds and animals.
 
Perfect contact, communication,
nothing disturbing the two-way flow.
Tension between the human, divine.
Redeeming blood and wine,
we drink the cup of life and know
You in intimate integration.
Victorious God upon the throne.

Your Life pulsating through my veins,
propelling me outwards, onwards
to show the world You're the Creator,
compassionate Father, Mother, Healer!
Redeemer of the buried graveyards.
No nothing in our lives has been in vain.
The heart beats: 'My God reigns!

Fiver

The Cherished Child

Some years ago,
I found her in the cellar.
Her body bruised and lifeless
but for the wounded eyes.
Thick plasters sealed her mouth.
She flinched as I approached;
Her eyes reproached me with:
" Why did you not come earlier?
Why did you let me die here in the cellar?"
I said " I know it's late but
I have searched and found you.
Tears kept on flowing down my collar,
but she reached out, wiped them away ;
Lifted her frailty in my arms,
removed the plasters, released her voice.

I rocked her gently on my lap,
cautiously carried her upstairs into the Garden,
exposed her wounds to gentle rain,
tears from the wounded eyes of God.

Sometimes my broken little child
still steals away back in the cellar,
but not for long for most of all
she reaches out and wipes away
the hidden unwept tears in you……

Fiver

Groundforce

Turning the sod,
pruning excessive branches on
overabundant bushes.
Untangling too intimately
grown root systems,
I ground myself
for I am made of
the same sod.

Trees shedding leaves,
but in my hands
I hold the promises
of colour hidden
deep within the bulbs
under the sleepy sod.
Inspired little timebombs,
irrepressible force of God.

Fiver

Trust

Razor-sharp tongues
have left their mark.
Arrogant souls delight in lies;
indent deep scars upon fresh bark.
Accomplices join in the crime,
in cowardly, pregnant silences.

The broken spirit in Your Hands,
the broken heart your eyes behold.
Your Wisdom thrusts the centre.
It is in You, my leaves unfold,
for it's in You I put my trust,
Truth, Honesty, my friends…….
 
Fiver

Ripples

Ripples shudder through
cloudscrapers in the sky
as angrylooking towerblocks
are torn apart by
shifting dust in heaven and earth…

Stars from a diff'rent world
shoot through the gaps
between the conscious reality
and the unconscious,
God's word of powerful Grace:

"Stand firm and strong
and you'll defeat the enemy,
tear down the curtain of deception.
Beyond it lies the truth
and your redemption."

The universe's alive
God's heartbeat booms
through the earth's crust.
His holy fire
touching our human hearts.

God's messengers empower
our broken, frail humanity.
His wisdom in this latest hour
throws light upon
an everdarkening morality

Just as the enemy seems
to have taken this earth
within its menacing grip,
Th'eternal wrath of God
electrocutes the singed snake
in the
abyss….

Fiver

Enfolded

Angels' swords removed,
wings' gates opened wide,
I view the land beyond,
am hailed into the inner sanctum.
This world's created beautiful,
but just a while
to wait for what is yet to come.

So bare, so vuln'rable, my essence
protected by your Holy Hands.
Your fingerprint upon my soul,
unhidden from your Presence.
This is too much, my heart is full.

Fiver

Pure Love

After long battles,
between matter, anti-matter,
pure energy, compassion won
the first day of the universe.
Sun, moon were formed, starclusters.

Unending, everlasting infinity
reigns in the galaxies,
and yet I know you intimately,
I feel the stirrings of your breeze.
The echoes of your creative roar
still in my ears……

Fiver

"My Kingdom is Not of This World" 

The laws of physics reign
within terrestrial reality.
yet I can sense your Breath
upon its 'edges', where it meets Eternity:
"Your kingdom is not of this world."

Researchers, scientists, upon their quest
for knowledge, understanding of the universe,
their telescopes providing pictures,
unknown galaxies made visible, more mysteries:
"Your kingdom is not of this world."

The ruler of our world,
the twisted mind, no scruples,
he whispers lies, perverts,
abuses the intended beauty of our world:
"Your kingdom is not of this world."

Your Light's advancing
our ever darkening reality.
One day earth's veil 'll be torn;
then we will see and know in full:
"Your kingdom is not of this world!"

Fiver

God's Clowns

He rides his wheelchair through the town,
and we just turn our face away.
Who is here the disabled one?
The perfect-bodied or, God's clown?
And Jesus touched the leper.

She hides her broken past inside her gown,
and they ,in ignorance or fear don't want to know.
Who is here then the shameful one?
The fingerpointer,or God's clown?
And Jesus touched the leper.

Right through the middle of a sermon,
he shouts: "F*** off!" and "Praise the lord!"
Who is here then the "holy" one?
The perfect churchgoer or God' s clown?
And Jesus touched the leper.

The one who loves the broken clowns,
he shall be blessed with grace.
And love will only then increase,
as we will touch His wounded side.
His blood will heal us, lepers……

Fiver

The Portal
 
Two windows in the portal,
one clear glass day,
the other dark doom's night.
One pair of footsteps only
as you carried me
through hellhole's stricken terror,
tormenting vale of empty loneliness.
Sulphurous smoke diseases breath within,
forlorn, forsaken desolation,
you walked with me until the bitter end.
Your courage still upholding me….
I turn,
the journey is reversed.
I smell the sweetest flowers.
We swing together from a branch.
The ducks upon the pond,
smoothing their feathers with their beaks.
Retrieved, redeemed my soul
in safest, bloodscarred hands.
Never, no never did your presence
leave me, beside each step,
I took to health, refreshing Life eternal….

Fiver

Denial

Denial, a powerful tool,
the blissful fool,
indulges in this ignorance
of fantasy, pretence, defence.

O, how I needed so those walls
between the dissociated parts
to just survive the onslaught
of abuse, emotional and sexual.

One brother remembered
being held against the fire.
His back a wasted
shreds of flesh and sorrow.

When I removed the plaster
from my broken inner child's mouth.
The torrent of verbal, abuse
from my siblings' mouths shouted:

"You've broken the unspoken rule:
Never to hang the dirty wash out.
You've broken the threatening silence
and let the painful secret out!"

One accusation after another,
you let me be the lightning conductor
all those years and scream
at me: "Reality has destroyed our blissful, ignorant dream!!"

Fiver

A Bridge Too Far

The bridge is in the distance,
perhaps it is too far.
Too far for them to travel
all that way and meet me there.

It is the way to Truth and Life.
You cut through reins (chains), helped me to stand.
You smiled at me and led me on:
my hand in Your big Hand

Although they are much fainter,
their accusations I still hear.
But I have put some distance (between them and me).
I've crossed the bridge too far.

No longer kneeling on hard stones.
No longer to a drainpipe bound,
trying to 'fix' their bikes.
But freely moving, on fresh ground.

I am but just a three year old,
and I've still much to see.
But You are patient and so wise.
I like what You're showing me.

The future is now to explore,
with You fully by my side.
With You I can sing ev'ry song,
no longer having to hide!!

Fiver out of the hole!!

Some Folk
 
Some folk look at me
and stare themselves blind
at all the scars and holes
others have left behind

Some folk are open to see
You've used each hole,
each scar, transforming me
into a beautiful, useful
Tool for Thee….

Fiver

What would Jesus do ?

Hosanna, heralded messiah, King.
Our lord rode on a donkey into Jerusalem.
Saviour of present Roman oppression
they thought, not realising that he came to save the world.

But then, when He did not fulfil
idealised, short sighted expectations
which had no base in Truth, Reality.
they dumped, despised Him when he did His father's will:

so drank the bitter cup of sacrifice.
he came to save the lost, the broken, bruised.
His Body broken on a cross, His Soul abused,
left him undignified in an anonymous grave.

His hometown synagogue did not accept his prophecies.
This Son of Mary's, who did He think He was?
He was of course God's Son, but they were blind.
Called Mary Magdalene a waster, slut, when she anointed Jesus' feet.

Later, she anointed balmed Jesus' Body.
Gave Him the dignity in Death, no one had bothered
to give the King of Heaven and Earth,
who'd given her God-given dignity she so deserved.

Yet three days later, she was the one
to whom he did reveal Himself the first.
Despised, misunderstood and mental wrecks of our society,
He'll call from ev'ry street to come, enjoy the Wedding Feast!

God through His Son in death and Crucifixion,
chose for the ones who are neglected and abused.
The Sanhedrin just wants respectable paying bums on seats.
However, Jesus' eyes upon your inner Soul demand:.

" Will you uncompromisingly follow Me??"

Fiver

Job's Mates

O to have mates,
such 'faithful' mates,
who can commiserate,
at such a rate,
Yet miss the point completely.

Job's burden, heavy as it was,
was tripled by his so-called friends,
whose infinite blind ignorance;
Self-righteous, whitewashed arrogance;
depleted him completely.

And did they give the man some space?
O, no, but he'd possessed the patience,
longsuffering endurance,
only a strong and godly human dares to face,
who relies on God completely.

At any rate,
despite his 'mates',
transformed into another state,
Job taught a lesson to his 'mates':
"Do not rely on other's ill advice, but trust God's ways completely!"

Fiver

The Matrix

Wrapped up in sticky webs
Of unreality, most folk
Just play the game of life,
Pretend, act out a drama
On life's stage……

Never really connecting
With the truth,
Essence of being,
Earthed, yet touching
All God's Universe.

Only a remnant
Is aware, awake
Of all the joy and pain
Of life, experiences,
Resolves the issues within self.

One day they'll teach
God's Kingdom to the masses.
The Way to live,
Respect for one another,
And live in harmony……

The matrix smashed!

Fiver

Truth is Too Precious
 
Truth is too precious
To tell any fool,
Who's asking for it.
For when the fool
Then realises that reality
Does not exactly fit
His inner picture
Of the 'truth'
And shown up to be fantasy…
It is the messenger of truth
Who gets shot
For IT!!

Fiver in bullet-proof vest

Seasons

Lost leaves now deck the soil,
as empty branches' bare fingers
Reach for a dull, grey sky.

Torn posters half hang off the wall.
Some blutack left behind,
Dustbin bags full.

An era's past, the child almost grown-up.
The childhood photos in the album.
After the death of winter,

The spring of adulthood beckons…….

Fiver

The Winds of Change

The winds of Change are blowing
Through bare butchered forests.
Harmful sunrays piercing
Ozone layers, icecaps melt.
Fierce rain and water swelling
Rivers of the devastated lands.

O, Brave New World,
Where is your scientific
Answer now to Superbugs,
Invading forces from within, without?
The Middle East poised on a knife-edge…
Are you prepared to meet the Prince of Peace?

Fiver

A Babe, A King

Lord, when you came
as babe into this violent world,
all boys aged two and under murdered
at Herod's evil hands.

Lord, when we celebrate your birth,
we wonder at this violent world,
in which young kids are buggered,
at the insistence of political hands.

Lord when you come
and bring your kingdom in to this violent world,
as Messiah, Maranatha King, I know that you
will break the power of abuse with your almighty Hands.

Fiver

O mother, O God

O mother, crazy mother,
your self-image still so powerful.
Projections send out to the world,
that you are so respectable.

My brothers and sisters can't figure you out.
Each time you play a different self.
Some quiet, some pleasant, some aggressively loud.
But lately you seem to bury yourself

in a world of self-invented fairies.
No longer frustrated by contact with reality.
Finally with yourself at psychotic peace.
You the victimised goody, me the ultimate baddy.

If I could but glimpse inside your brain,
I'm sure to find a spider's web of lies and false connections.
Virtual reality would surely be in awe of the train
of loops, bends and crooked curves of your 'constructions'.

O mother, crazy mother, I wish it was not so
but you've deliberately crossed a fine line.
a very long, long time ago.
The truth is cutting in my heart as I write down each line.

Psychologists have tried and failed
to breach your strong defences.
If you let Him, only God, the Jesus nailed,
can break down your pretences.

Fiver

White Sepulchers

Did you really think I wasn't angry, did you really?!,
when your daddy hit you and you were masturbated by your mummy?
I ranted, raged for damaging my precious four year old child.
I kicked and screamed at their pretence, denial

of what went really on behind those gleaming whitewashed doors.
The perfect 'Christian' churchgoing family of course.
Your mother always said: "don't hang the dirty washing out!"
The daddy an elder in the church, what if they'd possibly found out!

A five-year-old, vagina kicked, so badly bruised without defense.
Police doctor swallowed hard when looking at the evidence.
A middle class school:" O no, such things don't happen here!
O no, don't they just, I'll strip away this artificial veneer!

And what about the 'celibate' priests, who'd fuck their nuns
when all they'd wanted was some spiritual guidance.
The choir boys and girls who came for singing lessons
but afterwards were touched, received free adult sex lessons.

You are the temple of the Lord; your body sacred ground.
Through you I will raise hell and heav'n to rout these moneylenders out.
Through you I will shake the church's faltering foundations.
The protestants, the Catholics, ev'ry single denomination.

Before I can take my Church as my holy Bride,
I will expose it's rottenness, o no you cannot hide
from my terrifying blazing Fire and Light.
Yes, I AM LOVE in all its petrifying Power and Might!

Fiver

Survivors

Courageous human beings,
defying death, amazing endurance,
resourceful survival instincts.
Damaged emotions, bodies
reach out scarred hands
to one another, sharp edges
sometimes inadvertently,
sometimes quite deliberately,
catching each other's vulnerabilities……

But mostly standing together,
an army of incredibly broken,
immensely powerful beings
proclaiming truth, no longer silent!
Claiming their right to live
a life of justice, mercy on God's earth.
Their thrust, respect for one another.
Their purpose, a pioneering stand for living
a life truly worth living on this earth.

Fiver