Victim/Survivors: "What We Need"

Victims of sexual exploitation are frequently deeply harmed by this abuse. We sometimes struggle with a deep sense of isolation, and no one around us understands what we have been through. Spouses, significant others, and close friends also sometimes don't understand, and they must deal with their own complex emotional injuries as a result. This is a form of abuse, where we can't point to the wound because the wound is on the inside. It violated us at a deep emotional / psychological / spiritual level. Just as each person is unique, each situation is unique and each person's response is unique. This web page is an expression of victim/survivors. It's a chance to tell the world:

what we want the world to understand
how we feel
what this has done to us
what would help us
what our spouses/significant others need
what angers us
what is not helpful
where we have found healing

As I sit here alone and dream and hope, hope for someone or something to set me free set me free of the burden the secret I carry the aloneness that strikes in my heart like lighting wanting to find a path to the truth for in the end the truth will always set you free.

I have found healing in private therapy, group therapy and spiritual direction. I have read countless books such as Rutter's "Sex in the Forbidden Zone". I have met courageous women like Dee Miller (author) whose writings gave me tremendous peace and I have begun to regain my own voice. Secrecy and shame made me mute and by releasing my story I have felt a great deal of personal freedom and release of the debilitating pain which has suffocated me for so long.

My abuser knew that his control was in the secrecy and he counted on me always living and then dieing with the shame and hiding his horrendous secret. Ha HA! He was wrong!

I have regained the power in my life and I am letting my story out so that others can benefit from it and also become free of the past and begin living with joy and peace.

For months I've been looking for a website which spoke of sexual abuse by medical professionals. Today I found this site and wept: there are others, and they are finding their voices. I have a chronic illness - a lung disease... I require ongoing medical treatments, and often find myself in hospital/doctor's office type of settings. There seems no way to avoid the triggers... when I've an ongoing disease to deal with. I reported this physican to the state quality assurance board one year ago, next week. Recently I've hired a law firm to protect my rights in this process. I've been engaged in ongoing psychotherapy in hopes of discovering ways to adapt... the only way out is thru: the tears, still they come.

I am a victim/survivor, I'm not sure which yet of sexual abuse by a priest. It happened 12 years ago but I'm just in therapy now dealing with it. There is so much guilt and shame and self-blame, like I should have stopped it and not given in, but I felt I had no power. I had known him for four years before it took place. He was a college campus minister and our relationship took on a counselor client type of relationship. We kept in touch after I graduated. He was someone whom I looked to for advice. I had been emotionally and physically abused at my house and he was my refuge. I tried to push off his advances and pull away, but he continued them and finally I gave in. The abuse lasted about 6-7 months. I later found out that he did the same thing with some other of my classmates. I couldn't believe it. I'm married now with two children and luckily I have a supportive husband who understands because as I go through the pain that this has caused me it has affect our relationship. We are basically celibate right now. I can't be touched in any sexual way at all. Then I feel bad about that too. I hope that I can find healing soon. Then I think, I'm going through all this and he isn't giving it a second thought. He has since left the priesthood and is married now. I wonder if his wife knows the kind of man she married? Trust is real difficult to build now. I don't want to get hurt again. My therapist has been very patient with me. I have not been an easy client. I have a M.ED. in counseling myself and I would hate to have me as a client. I don't try to be a difficult client, it's just real hard to really trust again. It was all shattered and it is coverd up in the church on an institutional level. I never wanted it to happen, but I have to keep hearing it is not my fault over and over again because that part is real hard. I'm glad that I found this website and I know that there are others out there too. If you are a therapist reading this have patience with us.

I will promise you to remove my mask, to not pretend I'm all right, to not hide my pain... If you will promise me not to turn away, not to make light of my wounds or dress them too quickly, so you don't have to look them... I won't ask you to feel everything I feel...you cannot. Just please let me FEEL it while you are here with me. Don't say "just leave it in the past", say "I'm sorry it hurts so much". Don't say "worse things could have happened," say "my heart aches for what you suffered". Don't say "God will make it better" say "how could He have allowed it?". And when I say "I can't face it. It's too horrible. It's unspeakable" say "tell me"...

It has been said that: in order to "consent" to something, one has to be able to refuse it. It was not possible to refuse him. He was omnipotent in many ways. He used the medical setting at a hospital to establish his social and sexual contacts. I was a patient of his. I still do not "consent" to my memories and flashbacks of him.

What was important for me and still is, is that people understand how damaging this exploitation is! That they understand the emotional pain. It would be very helpful if we could tell the general public, friends, family, partners, that when we were involved with the person who abused us, we were at our most vulnerable. We trusted this person to be professional, moral and ethical. That is what we were paying for. We walked in looking like adults, but we became children in man/woman suits! We opened up our deepest secrets, revealed long denied pain, felt we were finally in a place where we could re-experience our traumas. We looked to this person for guidance, help, and in some cases, someone we could be re-parented by, safely. We were then manipulated, seduced and exploited! Because of the loyalty inherent in professional relationships, we took the responsibility upon ourselves and the abuse continued because we could not believe that our perpetrator could really be feeling the things they either spoke or intimated through covert behaviors and deniable conversations with us. We wanted them to be clean, clear with their boundaries and safe! It would be helpful for the public to know this. Too often they, the public, and some professionals, look at our pathology, our woundedness, and say it was our fault. Why didn't we see what was going on, or why did we misinterpret their behaviors and words. We become the perpetrator, not our abusers, much like the way rape victims have been attacked in court, we are left looking as if we were the seducers, in fact it is a defense in Oregon before the local board of licensure, you can say your client was seductive and garner much empathy, sympathy and understanding from the board. This is what my former therapist did. He received the sympathy of the investigator and evidently the entire board because he was not reprimanded. I wonder what changed the investigator's mind from the time he decided that my complaint warranted a formal investigation to the day he told me how hard this process had been on Dr.___! It became somewhat confusing, who was the complainant and was the board of licensure truly consumer protection oriented when the consumer loses all rights to the complaint once the board has it? It would be helpful to let the general public know we became emotionally the children within, that we didn't see what was coming because we thought we were in a safe place, where we could work through our issues instead of gaining additional issues! Also, perhaps someone could list things to be aware of when seeing a professional of any type,things that may hint of impropriety. Marilyn Peterson's book "At Personal Risk" has some insight and of course this site, TELL and BASTA have some excellent information on what to look for and what to do if you have been victimized. In my case, I now advise anyone who asks to seek legal help first. The board has a natural bias toward its colleagues, that is human nature. The client needs someone to advocate for them and if you can take it through the legal system or malpractice you may have more leverage with the board. That isn't always true, but it may offer some help when going to the board. Hope you can make some sense of this and that it will be of value to others.

WHAT I NEED FROM YOU
From a Survivor of Therapy Abuse to Subsequent Treating Professionals

It has been several years since my ordeal ended. Since that time I have encountered many professionals in individual, group and family therapy. All (but the one) have been good people with the best intentions. I know I'm difficult. I know I'm untrusting. I imagine I am frustrating at times. I have learned some things along the way that may be helpful to those of you who are committed to helping those of us victimized by mental health professionals. This list of suggestions is probably not totally inclusive, though I've tried to hit the main issues. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope it well be helpful.

I may share some things that horrify you. I need you to be a compassionate listener and to show me that you are strong enough to hear my story. This helps me have the courage to share it.

Encourage me to empower myself. I may feel a drive to re-enact the trauma by becoming overly-dependent on you.

Be clear with yourself about your limits. My story may be upsetting and you may need consultation from another professional. Do not work in isolation.

Don't try to redeem the profession in my eyes. Don't try to make up for what happened to me. You CAN"T (though I appreciate your intentions). You CAN validate that the previous therapist abused me and that it was terrible.

I can not hear "I believe you" too many times. The abuser used his position in the community to convince me that no one would ever believe me or help me.

Help me understand and work through the traumatic bond that I have with the abuser. It is similar to the bond a child has with an abusive parent. I may be grieving the loss of that bond.

Help me figure out what factors within me contributed to my dependency on the abuser. This can be tricky. It needs to be done in a way that emphasizes that the abuser alone was responsible for the abuse.

Confronting, reporting, or suing the abusive therapist are intensely individual issues. These actions can be empowering but they can also be overwhelming and re victimizing. Help me explore my own strengths and vulnerabilities in making such decisions. It's my life and I live with the consequences of legal action. Please support whatever decision I make.

I may feel that I have to please you. Reinforce that therapy is for my benefit and not yours.

Be scrupulous about boundaries. They are my safety net. Carefully explain the boundaries and the reasons for them. Help me examine boundaries in my other relationships.

If you are squeamish or fearful about seeing a client who has taken legal action against another professional, please get supervision or refer me to someone who feels confident. I was already objectified by the abuser - treating me like "jail bait" only furthers that objectification and is a re-enactment of the trauma. This is a difficult area because I am highly sensitive to abandonment.

Ask my permission before touching me. I have already been invaded on so many levels! (One well meaning therapist put his hand on my shoulder and sent me into flashbacks). At the same time, don't treat me like I am untouchable - I already feel terrible about my body. This is quite a balancing act for you. Like I said before, I know I'm difficult.

Thank you for caring enough to tap into AdvocateWeb and read this. As a survivor it has been terrifying to request help from the profession that devastated me. I'm glad I summoned up the courage to get the help I so desperately needed and I appreciate those of you who have helped me along the way.

I am a psychiatric nurse victim of the clergy. The abuse occurred 25 years ago when I unknowingly found myself vulnerable to the counselor's seductive advances. It left me confused about reality and shamefully burdened by the frightening belief imposed upon me that I was the one who had seduced the counselor. It kept me quiet for 21 years until I could no longer carry the burden of secrecy. I collapsed at my worksite and was unable to walk for fear of having to live on - the emotional pain was more than any one person could endure. I was in bed for 2 months with severe agoraphobia and panic attacks and a deepest depression that dared me to end it once and for all by reminding me that I could no longer live another day with the pain. If it wasn't for a personal belief in Christ, I would not be alive today. And I challenge to say, that even that belief was shaken. It felt like a large black hole - no good place to be and no good place where which I could go. Lost in space!

One thing I would like the general public and the professional community to understand or at least receive information about is the emotional abuse that creates the environment for the other abuses to grow and thrive. Without the emotional set up, without the most covert and vicious of abuses, because no one sees the scars (at least not immediately) the other forms of exploitation and abuse might not have occurred! In speaking to women at church, emotional abuse touched each one's heart. It is that consistent misuse of power over the emotions of vulnerable populations that is the hardest to defend or prosecute against because there is no physical evidence. This is especially true if the victim is able to extricate herself/himself from the abuser and seek ethical care somewhere else. It is this courage, this willingness to see that something is indeed wrong, that makes it easier for the perpetrator to get away with the abuses. I believe we need to know, as the general public and the consumers, that emotional abuse does indeed set us up for any other exploitations. Once we have been overwhelmed by the power and control of the abuser, once our hearts accept them as the ultimate authority on how we feel, we are set up for the rest of it.

They should know that a survivor is an individual. Don't stereotype us! We were more than just survivors when the violation occurred, and we are more than just survivors now. Give us credit and respect for who we are. Don't let our survivorship negate our credibility. After all, we are the only eye witnesses to the crimes!

Although my abuse happened many, many years ago, I am still angered that at times the effects of the trauma seems to continue in my life to this day. It's calling me to look within, take responsibility for my life choices today, and develop courage in the face of fear.

I recently learned that personal information shared with my doctor about the abuse was documented in my medical file. But what angered me the most was the fact that other professionals have access to this information....information I shared which I thought was confidential at the time. I am really angry about this. My doctor is not one to break confidentiality but this was clearly an over sight on her part. But this information is on my record for all to see. It can never be erased. So, in the event an insurance company asks for my records, this is part of it!

I think that there needs to be a clear understanding with the medical profession that certain information that is documented which is of a personal nature, should be placed in a personal folder and only the person to whom this information was given to should have access to this. Medical information needs to be accessible for the medical staff, but personal information should never be available for other professionals to see. As an individual, I have a right to my privacy. I choose who gets to find out about my abuse and who doesn't.

I don't know what I'm going to do with this right now but I'm very angry at being so vulnerable.

Don't tell us that the real problem is our difficulty in forgiving the perpetrators of our abuse, that we just need to "let go". I have been told that I will not be able to heal until I forgive. I feel PRESSURED to forgive. This just makes me feel even worse, that I am not forgiving as quickly as friends wish me to. It makes me feel like, "What's wrong with me, that this has hurt me so bad, and that I find it so hard to just forgive and forget?" I'm not sure I can ever forgive him for what he has taken away from me. He has taken away my life. I feel as if my soul has been ripped out of me. It will be a long time before I'll be able to forgive. Forgive is a process, not just a decision. It is a painful long struggle, not to be trivialized.

My experience of emotional/psychological/sexual violation and abuse by a clinical psychologist ( who was in counseling practice with his wife) happened in 1977-1978, in Ohio. It was for me the destruction of my life as I knew it, including my ability to be a loving mother to my two beautiful daughters who were ages 12 and 7 at that time, and the end of my 17-year marriage. I realize now that my state of mind was symptomatic of anyone having experienced being raped -- I was dissociated from myself emotionally and from my significant relationships. Even though I took action with the State Board of Psychology and gave a deposition to an investigator who was very supportive of my efforts and was certain I had a strong case for him to lose his license, the threat of having to face a hearing board and be cross-examined by any legal counsel he could engage was more than I could face alone, and I withdrew my complaint. In my effort to get the small amount of money he had been paid for my "therapy" returned to me, the attorney advising me intimidated me into signing a "release" , and no further action could ever be presented. The emotional problems of low self-esteem, significant lack of self-identity and awareness of personal boundaries, and chronic feelings of guilt and depression were real needs I had at the time I went seeking counseling. Had this counselor been doing his job, instead of choosing to act out his sexual fantasies, he would have uncovered buried memories of 2 violations that occurred during the year I was 19 years old, just prior to my meeting the man I married. One was a sexual molestation by an employer, and the second was a date rape. In conclusion I can only say to any victims of this experience -- I know that my vulnerability was not the cause of my experience, but it was the target of the violator--he used my vulnerability and my trust to give himself permission to act out his own obsessive compulsive behavior, and that decision makes him a deliberate rapist. He not only violated me personally in every possible way, but he also violated my children and our future as a loving family. I do not forgive him, and I do not forgive the State of Ohio for allowing him to get away with it.

My victimization from my Pastor/employer was harmful enough, but what happened to me afterwards was even more intrusive. There is sexual abuse by clergy but even more undermining is that of Spiritual abuse. The leader of the church took the situation of the perpetrating Pastor as an "opportunity" to advance his career. Because of his own agenda, the exploitation I had experienced at the hand of the Senior Pastor was exploited even more when I was to be the model for appropriate "church discipline". The anger I have for the sexual abusive Pastor is deep but doesn't come anywhere near the anger and hatred I have for the Pastor who took my literal cries for help and justice and threw them in my face. The damage is deep, I feel I have no one and have only recently begun to realize that the healing process is going to take a very very long time. If I were to say anything to anyone who has experienced either sexual or spiritual abuse at the hands of their clergy it would be this. God's path for you never changes. There are many snakes you will meet along the way. Some will tempt you, others bite you to the bone. But when you recover, and you will, you will once again realize the road ahead is straight, it never changes and there is someone who will walk it with you! My prayers are with you.

To A Fellow Survivor: In reading your message I was overwhelmed with emotion! You see, I was "kicked out" of a church because the man who abused me belonged to the church as well. They were extremely supportive of me for months as I told my story to them (keeping the name of the person anonymous). However, as soon as they realized he was a powerful, rich member of their church (his identity did not come from me). I was forced to leave "for your own good.". I refused at first, so the pastors "froze" me out - each of them ignoring me until I left. This abuse itself was extremely devastating. To this day I have to remind myself it was not God, but people, who turned on me. Thank you for your message. It helps to know there are others who understand this pain.

To "A fellow survivor": I have been searching for someone who shares some of the unique aspects of my exploitation, manipulation and abuse. My experience didn't take place as a child, but as a grown, married woman with children. The reaction of my spiritual community has been compounded by the fact I was also a staff member. My abuser was my pastor, my spiritual guide, and my boss. My husband was also employed by the church. We worked as a team as organist and choir director.

Since the departure of this pastor, and the disclosure of the abuse (there are many who would not agree with my using the word "abuse" you understand.) My husband and I have learned of numerous incidents of deceit and manipulation by this pastor with many other members of the congregation. These manipulations were not sexual in nature, but a means of perpetuating the abuse and keeping the secret.

I would like to hear from other adult women who have survive sexual abuse by their pastors and women abused by their "superiors".

He always told me he was not my boss, we were a team. I now understand the dynamics of our team work. He was the coach, and i was a player.

My abuser is a registered nurse who provided urgent medical care to me for a year and a half. He gained my trust because he represented a profession I associated with compassion. Because I was overwhelmed by serious illness, he exploited my trust and invaded my privacy. He asked many personal questions, read my chart, and made remarks about my appearance. He asked about my relationship with my man, and gained very privileged information about me, which he then used to abuse me sexually. I thought he was a friend. He shared his feelings and worries with me . I now know this behavior is grossly unethical and harmful to a patient. It was harmful to me! He would visit my hospital room for social reasons and over time he began to make make overtly sexual / romantic remarks.Eventually he asked to see me outside the hospital, which is when extreme sexual misconduct occurred. In the hospital setting he had held me in his arms and cuddled me. The sexual relationship was maintained until he became aware people knew about it. Little can describe the severe repercussions of this abusive relation- ship in my personal life. I am now in therapy, and am just beginning to speak out! He has threatened me, and I believe he is capable of violence against me. I have frequent nightmares about this person.

This is the 22nd winter of my discontent. My abuse took place at the hands of my pastor and a female accomplice. Both are now dead. Before I got myself out of this mess, I wound up having sex with most of the men and one of the women who belonged to the church. At the time I was being abused, there was not much help available. Consequently, I am still carrying around vestiges of this 6 month trip through hell and cannot seem to shed them. I still have nightmares, an occasional anxiety attack and sexual relations with my husband are at an all time low. I wish I'd had proper counseling right when this happened, because there is one thing I know to be true: That which you choose to bury, you will ALWAYS carry.

I am a twin. My twin lives in another country. I was sexually abused by an Anglican clergyman when a young woman in desperate emotional/psychological trouble. It went on for some time. Whilst I was being abused in this country, my twin experienced sexual abuse by an evangelical, healing, charismatic Catholic priest in her country! She too was in emotional/psychological trouble. We'd both been sexually abused in childhood. My twin also was sexually assaulted by a medical doctor. I was very 'abused' by wierd psychiatic practices (not sexual) with a psychiatrist. 3 hour sessions with strange ideas e.g. laying on a couch with my head in his lap. Having children's stories read to me in a regressed state, re-enacting the abuse by my brother (leaving out the sex bits !) etc. How is it that we BOTH suffered so much? Maybe our lack of skills at the time, our lack of knowledge about boundaries. Maybe couldn't see it coming and when it did were powerless to stop it. Now we are both profoundly angry. Both feeling we want to get back at our abusers but that's not possible. We live with this frustration, anger, but we're surviving and fighting. Even in profound depression at times. We're strong and more aware. It wouldn't happen now!!! I am still a Christian, my twin not so much. I separate God from Church. Not necessarily the same thing I realise.

Most of us have been repeatedly RE-Victimized (endless times when trying to seek justice) by the medical profession and their deep-pocketed organizations and that most infamous oxymoron known as "the justice system".

I hope that someone with clout and courage will finally make a truly active effort to validate and educate the mass legal profession --especially the courts-- on the long-term and severe effects of sexual and emotional exploitation by professionals; in particular, psychiatrists, whose letters "MD" tend to give unwavering carte blanche.

I think it also extremely necessary to change the wayward reward/punishment system for reporting by medical professionals since we still have the widespread syndrome of this group automatically banding together to not only protect but continue funding these abusers.

No matter how many articles and books are written on this subject---the problem will continue to grow until someone makes the effort to put this plethora of information directly in the faces of people who can make a real difference.

For example, if the legal profession understands that they can make a solid case that is worth pursuing, then they will do so; this in turn will inflict the necessary deep hits in the pocketbooks of the medical profession---the only language they understand for making permanent behavioral changes.

This issue also needs to be worked from the other end as well. The medical profession needs to have punishments for not reporting and for protecting/covering up for their colleagues; likewise, there is desperate need for a reward system for those few medical professionals that practice the Hippocratic Oath rather than the more widely practiced Hypocritic Oath. (....first do no harm...). Currently, the reward/punishment system is indeed backwards.

Bottom line, these wonderfully researched and well-written projects do little good sitting on the bookshelves of therapists and psych professors, with the exception that it enables them to better understand their patients---AFTER the damage has been done. Pre-emptive and preventative are the words that come to mind. Thank you.

I am a victim of sexual misconduct at the hands of a Pastor. He and his wife were like mother and father to me. I was dealing with a rape that happened at the age of 13, and marital problems, in which they were counceling me. I loved and trusted them dearly, even with my emotional and spiritual well being. He took advantage of that trust, and knew that I was still very naive. WE both had to go before the church and ask them to forgive us of our sins(that was devastating). One very self righteous elderly mother asked " why didn't I just say no." At that time he was a savoiur for me and by then persuaded me by subliminal, subtle messages that I needed him. One of the worse parts about this abuse was the fact that the church mother instructed everyone not to contact me or the Pastor(they were voted and kicked out of the church). I blamed myself for all of it. It has been three years, and still very hard. Survivors, let's pray for each other!!!!

I am a survivor of clergy abuse. I went to my Pastor for one reason. I was desperate and was seeking guidance in a confidential setting while I was trying to desperately cope. He gained my trust and then raped me. I verbalized that I could not do it. The path of least resistance got me. I soon sunk into a depression from the heavy secret. My husband blamed himself and our then hurting marriage on himself and attempted suicde. You guessed it, the Pastor and his family came to my rescue and the Pastor groomed the situation. Things got more and more hopeless for me.

I'm now on the other side of the fence, but the pain never leaves. That was a violation of my being. I was taken advantage of at the lowest point in my life.

Thanks to all the other survivors for their support. To hell with those who can't understand.

I don't know whether I am a survivor yet. I have fought to be heard and believed. When you are mentally ill no one wants to believe you, they feel they have the right to not believe you. I wonder how many other woman he has abused that either were to fragile to pursue, afraid they were the one responsible or have taken their lives because it was too much. If I give up pursuing this I have given up on life - the last chance I have to maintain some self-respect.

There should be NO statute of limitations on the reporting of a "professional" who sexually exploits his client under the guise of "counseling" As other victims know, it may take years to come to terms with what has happened and to grow strong enough to say..."There he/she is, that is the person who exploited me, who destroyed my trust, my family."

These professionals who exploit most certainly are not going to stop at taking advantage of only one client!! They are predators and will find others to exploit!

Let the statute of limitations be increased, to infinity if necessary in order that one more person NOT be taken advantage of !

I am both a survivor and a mental health practitioner. This combination has been very troubling for me over the past 20 years. I confronted the university psychologist, who used his position as counsellor (individual for both myself and my husband, as well as our marriage counsellor- over a four year period) and mentor for my graduate studies in counselling, on several occasions as a student prior to leaving that city. I returned for professional seminars at the university and met him on two separate occasions to make him aware of what this relationship had done to my self esteem and coping mechanisms. He showed compassion and some remorse on a very superficial level. I felt that knowledge of what had happened between us would devastate my husband who adored this man and he has never been told. I did not pursue legal actions and felt immense guilt that he remained the head of a very large university counselling center. Recently, 20 years later I have experienced nightmares and intrusive thoughts mixed with much guilt over this matter. The therapist recently retired his position and was most surprised to hear from me (seemed happy to talk at first, later suspicious and concerned with my motives). I quoted many articles from this web site and journal articles on ethics and the law, as well as passages from Dr. Susan Penfold's book on how this type of exploitation affects mental health practitioner/victims. I am not interested in hurting my husband to seek financial remuneration from this man (since he's out of practice) and will have to find another way to bring some of my confusion and rage to closure. I thank this web site for a place to vent frustration !!

I am the victim/survivor of emotional abuse and I want to understand how the therapists distorted comments managed to have that effect on me. I felt I had to literally believe every piece of verbal garbage.

If you were subjected to the same sort of thing, please email me (eddab@aol.com) and maybe we can collect and understand the sort of things that were said to us, for example, how our questions and criticism were defined as symptoms of our " illness".

I am a physician treated by a "nationally recognized" psychiatrist for about a year. I was young, trusting and vulnerable. In the end he broke his boundaries without thought of what it would do to me. Eventually he betrayed me and I destroyed my life. It is hard enough to endure the emotion much less find somebody who has the capacity to understand the handle the depth of your pain. It took his death to begin speaking about this. I am dismayed by the cowardice of the legal system and the narrow minded mentality that as a physician myself I "should have known " the ethical implications into crossing a boundary. There are days I give up and hope it will go away but this is followed by my tears. I saw an analyst regarding this and she wanted to blame me for the situation. It is bad enough to feel the confusion much less be frequently encountered by ignorance when you reach out. I am glad I found this. This web site needs an active 24 hour steam room to anonymously vent. Thanks.

I, too, am a victim/survivor of abuse that lasted many years. I reported this person to the board but little action was taken. I also sued him in civil court which was almost as excruciatingly painful as the abuse itself - to had to look into his eyes and hear him lie about what he told me, how he felt, etc.. I did not think I could make it through it! I was blessed with a therapist who works with victims/survivors. Had it not been for her, I do not know how I would have made it through the process. For anyone who is considering such action, please remember that it is painful but liberating. You need to know that even the attorneys will be charmed by the abuser. You may feel victimzed once again. But for me, all the pain, tears, sleepless nights, were worth it in order to have him come face to face with me. He counted on my keeping "the secret" - I did not! I still suffer from memories triggered by something as simple as a model of automobile. But I do know that I broke the silence and am taking the next step to freedom so understanding the abuse I suffered may make a difference in someone else's life.

I am a survivor of clergy abuse at the hands of a woman religious. I would like for the church to stop using silence as a solution to the problem. In February of this year, I allowed a nun to do a massage on me and she advocated massage in an offlimits area stating that it was beneficial. I trusted her. I found out later that this was not ethical in massage and when I asked her for an answer as to why she would recommend this, she went silent. No one's talking.

You freeze us out and pretend we no longer exist...just before I had to ask the big question, I was welcomed at your dinner table in your community and you listened to my songs in concert, even choosing one song to be done at a jubilee. But when this came up, the doors of communication slammed shut.

You can't treat people like this. You can't cross lines and then shut them out as if they were trash, without giving proper explanation as to the reason for your actions.

I would love to openly confront and expose my abuser. He was my Orthodox priest. I went to him with my troubles and came out with more troubles than I started with. The abuse lasted four years. If I open up now I will be regarded as a whore. People don't understand. I want them to know that it was not my fault. I am a decent woman who was abused by a predator.

I too was a victim of sexual abuse by a professional healthcare executive. I was thinking about setting up a support group, because this seems to happen too often. When I read the comments from the group I felt some relief. There is someone out there who share the same feelings of shame, depression, revengeful and madness due to employers abuse. My next steps was to sue the harasser, but I back out in fear I would re live the entire experience again. I am an African American female who reported the abuse to the CEO of the hospital against an African American professional healthcare executive. I am looked down upon by the black community. Instead of a strong women speaking up for the ones coming behind me, I am the one who stepped on one of the black community's finest and for that I am a traitor. My dream at this point is to heal and share my story nationwide.

Note to "Survivor at Last": We have African American victim advocates and survivors affiliated with us who "get it" and went through the same. Feel free to contact us.

"Survivor at Last": I relate to your experience. As a Jewish lesbian who was abused by a lesbian rabbi, I was treated as a traitor by the lesbian rabbinate (who would have been outraged if it had been a male who abused me) and by those who feel I betray the Jewish community as a whole by speaking out. They don't seem to understand that minority groups GAIN credibility when they police their own; they lose credibility when they don't.

If you are a victim/survivor, we invite you to contribute your comments to this web page.

Sexual and Emotional Exploitation of Clients by Professionals Victim/Survivors: "What We Need"

Sexual and Emotional Exploitation
of Clients by Professionals
Victim/Survivors: "What We Need"