You can see it when you look into her eyes... there has been pain, a great deal of pain. She accepts the pain as necessary for life is not all light and happiness. There must be balance, and the pain is necessary to achieve that balance. For how would she know happiness, ecstasy, without the other side? She knows one cannot exist without the other.

The pain began when her husband of 15 years betrayed her in a way that she thought could never be healed or forgiven. He betrayed her with her most adored sister, broke the trust that had been given freely, with heart and soul. She remains somewhat wounded today, but is healing, slowly. She has the determination to heal by allowing the pain to be felt. Then and only then can she let it go.

As a child, she was very quiet, reserved, almost painfully shy. And although her father adored her, he was a man that kept his love hidden, not sharing much of himself with his family. There were times when he frightened her, oh yes, the fear... as she grew in adulthood, he became one of her monsters, one of her most feared adversaries. She carries this with her always, even through his death. His memory is not always a pleasant one. He showed her kindness and love, but never enough to dispel the fear.  So she's lived with monsters in her closets and under her bed throughout life never quite understanding nor admitting until recently, just where the monsters had been born. She's the lucky one today her monsters are gone, transparent, they can no longer harm her. The exorcism is complete and she has healed from the fear- totally and completely. Today she works on another monster, the exorcism of this one is most important for it saves her life.

This monster is one that is new to her for in her brilliance she erased all memory of it... now those memories have begun to surface, in pictures much like photographs or events which she must experience again, as if it were happening all over again. Frightening, terrifying, she must exorcise this demon if she is to survive. And survive she will, she must, for life has shown her it's light and she craves the light, runs toward it with her new strength and hope and most of all love, to give love, to receive love, with the joy of the emotion and the ecstasy of the physical. She has received a taste of this love and seeks it with all that she is, with all that she is becoming. Her heart opens like the rose, slowly, dew dropped with sweetness.

She has many monsters, most of which have by now been totally eradicated by her with her new weapons of strength and hope. But there remains one, the most deadly of all, the strongest most powerful of them all. He is a threat to her existence for he will destroy her if given the chance. This monster has 4 names, all of which strike terror in her heart and mind. She has run from him all of her life, he has lived under her bed, and in her closets always. Now she sleeps with closet doors open, so she can watch him for she is determined she will survive this last one, this last threat to her happiness and her ability to love.

Her mind buried the memories of what this monster did to her so completely that only her body remembers, if he is too close to her or if he touches her it brings revulsion and nausea, her vision blackens in rage. And she knows where to find him... oh yes... and when she confronts him he will not be allowed to frighten her or hurt her in any way, shape, or form. She knows she can set herself free... she now has the weapons to fight for her future. The fire in her eyes is bright, intelligent, and forgiving. One day she will be free of the fear and she will be strong enough to destroy him forever and he will never be able to hurt her again not ever.
Marsha
I survive