Your face like molten lava,
melting away my image of you.
Your words thicken into garbled distortion,
your hot breath burning my flesh.
I'm gasping for air, I cannot move.
The weight of your abuse crushes me.

The telephone that has no zero......
"I'm sorry, your call can not be completed as dialed,
please try again".

The stench, like cat spray in my garden,
I cannot hose it away.

********************************

Don't you know what you have done!
Don't you recognize your own self destruction,
reflected in our eyes and words?

You are the one killing your sacred self,
the self that will decompose into s**t
between cement and metal walls.
You defiled something holy,
brought it down to this hard reality,
and now we are forced to strain it
through judges and juries.

You took God's name
and said it was his healing hand.
Only to listen to a lesser force,
that molded it into a grotesque and groping claw.

You spread your disease,
until it locked and festered in your own wife's vessel.
Poisoned by her infestation of you,
even she colludes to save you,
turns her back in denial, on her sisters in the light.

You are no Shaman!
For you are being greatly affected by the negative.
You have not made it past your initiation.
You have lost your free will and your mind.

Delirious in evil's grasp of illusion,
you think that we have betrayed you!
That was when you were a child,
and now YOU are the perpetrator.

You could have chosen
to speak your dark truth
for your own healing,
before offering it to others.
Now it has torn us all down.

Our screams of torment
will haunt you in your nightmares
and jolt you awake in the night
just as it has us, in the early morning hours.

I loved you once,
or rather, what I thought we were doing,
and all that it stood for.....

I believed you when you told me
it was for my salvation,
to make me whole again,
so I could be closer to God in my enlightenment.
To be able to go to an unwounded place
with my intimacy, and to share that goodness
with my loved ones and the universe.
How that dream has been mutilated
by my misguided trust and your deception.

Now, when I reach out,
my eyes are not fully open.
My heart cannot embrace completely,
and my vulva does not enfold
with the warmth I know it could,
had I not been wounded yet again.

You gouged my self-worth,
you marred my faith,
and almost murdered my sexuality!
But, I will not die!
I will speak out again, and again and again,
until my voice, all our voices are heard.

For my experience and theirs,
for all that hasn't been said,
the ears that haven't heard,
and for all the tears that were or were not shed,
due to agony or numbness.....
I pledge to provide a place of healing for us all!

A loving, safe place
where we can release our wounding
without fear or judgment.
We will stand on our feet again,
state our boundaries with determination,
look in the mirror with love and understanding,
and pray to our God with renewed faith.

The healing MUST BE this time!
So our nightmares can become
our hopeful dreams for tomorrow.